Wednesday, July 22, 2015

overdue update

There isn't very many people who read this who don't have access to my Facebook page, so all of this will be old news to you... For the few who read because its there to read, I apologize for my extremely long absence. With the abundance of events that have occurred I will most likely have to tell you all what happened, then split all the stories into single posts.. if i tried to explain it all, we'd be here forever!

A million things have happened since the (GASP) almost 2 years it's been since I updated this, I'm not even sure which ones are important enough to list, but here's off the top of my head. There arent listed in order either, just the order that my brain tells my fingers to type them.  I am no longer a dispatcher (super long story),lost a friend due to the issues of no longer being a dispatcher, lost a vehicle and gained another, gained a million pounds (only slightly an exaggeration here), gotten a new job but haven't started yet, gained a few nieces and nephews, have my Daughter living with me, and Lost my Mom.

I'm sure most people would have listed losing their Parent first, i typed it multiple times, deleted it multiple times only to retype and delete it again. I hated looking at the words there just staring at me, like little taunting reminders while i typed out the rest.. I had to wait until the end, i had to.

My mom passed away May 29th, 2013. While we fought like crazy ALL.THE.TIME, she really was my everything. She had been very sick for a very long time and I know shes in a better place and I know shes happy finally being with my dad and my brother and so many others. I just wasn't ready to let go, i don't think i ever would have been. I don't think I still am..

To give you an idea, i began typing this post in 2013.  Ive visited it many, many times since then an being as broken as I am, have been unable to type anything.

So i know its worthless to restart anything 2 years later. But.. Now I am ready. I struggled, I broke down and I lived. I t would be nice to say it has gotten better, but in many ways it hasn't.

many of you know and for those who dont, now will, That i have studied photography for many years of my life.  The past 2 years i have heavily relied on the quiet, serene peace that just being alone in the world with my camera gives me.

The embedded image s one of the lat pictures I ever had the honor of taking of my mom. She bought me my first camera, she took the time to lug me to classes and buy roll after roll of film, before the digital era. She spent countless amount of money getting a million rolls of film developed, only to tell me how amazing each image was.. even if it really was crap. She was always my main supporter and cheerleader. I miss her.

in closing... it took 2 years, but i can type again. i have a voice again. My camera gives me that voice and i am thankful that my mom shoved a camera in my face and told me to roll with it.

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